This is it

I'm in the groove, I've found my momentum and I can see that dream body I've always desired taking shape. Being in a state of quasi isolation/rebirth/re-awakening is helping as well.

In the past 28 days I have:

1. Stuck to my macros (within 5%) 98% of the time.

2. Focused on eating for results. Not for emotion, not to be comatose, not even solely for taste.

3. Got to my goal of 10K steps a day about 5 out of 7 days a week.

4. Worked out at Orange Theory 3 days and lifted at the gym 3 days a week.

Most convincingly, my body is clearing changing and I have measurements to prove it! What I do know is this: this is no short term plan, no few week solution. At minimum, I need to carry this discipline and consistency through the rest of my time here in [redacted city]. That is, a total of 6 months. Once I am at a body fat percentage goal, I then have to keep going for the rest of my life. Maintenance. 

I am ready. This is it.

Back at it

So I fell off the diet wagon. I'm on it again though. I started this go around on 8/21, with a few slips (hello Crumbl cookies) here and there, but with consistent and renewed vigor since 9/1/23. Imma take pictures every two weeks and post them for your viewing pleasure. On 12/14, I will assess the situation and keep going. Because this is a lifestyle, right? Lol, not until I reach goal. A woman can only live on 1500 calories (135 protein, 150 carbs, 50 fat) for so long right?

I'm also desperately sad. I am with a man who has hurt my my feelings, twice. I deserve it though (maybe?) I was snooping through his phone.

Better writing later. Maybe. For now....just a reminder. I'm here.

Slow and steady (wins the race)

I am equal parts excited for how my body has changed thus far and impatient that it's not changing faster. Lord, teach me patience.

This is a lifestyle, right? Right.

This is forever, right? Right.

Well...except, I will slowly raise my calories from 1595 to 2200 when I get to that Dark Tower maintenance point.

What's for food today? MegaFit Meals for three meals. For breakfast I had oatmeal in almond milk (with dried cranberries) and a scoop of 1 Up Nutrition Vanilla Ice cream Whey ISO protein powder. At some point, I'll have another scoop mixed in water for a "snack". Total 1595 calories (175 g protein, 145 g carbs, 35 g fat).

What's for workout today? Orange Theory Fitness, at 4:45am this morning.

I measure this weekend. Aren't you excited?

Checking in

Not much to say for today. Trying to keep the momentum going. Trying to enjoy the process. Trying to love my body as I build it and not just look forward to some future anticipated end goal.

What's for food today? MegaFit meals, that's what. They are delicious, portion controlled and keep me within my calories/macros. 1595 calories, 175 g protein, 145 g carbs, 35 g fat.

What's for workout today? Orange Theory Fitness, this morning at 4:45am.

What're my measurements? As of 2/6/21. I'm 5"7 and ___ lbs.

Shoulders: 43.25 inches

Chest: 33.5 inches

Waist: 29 inches

Abdomen/FUPA 36 inches

Hips/butt: 49 inches

Right thigh: 28.5 inches

Left thigh: 27.5 inches

Onward and upward.

Chugging along

 It's been 9 months since I last posted (no, I did not have a baby) and my mindset has improved, dramatically. I am slowly converting the "knowing" that fat loss is 80% nutrition and 20% exercise, to the "doing". The longer I trick myself into eating one last slice of chocolate cake and starting over "tomorrow", the longer my body will stay the way it is - strong, but covered in fat. This is not "wrong", but it's not what I want.

Let me rephrase that, especially regarding the chocolate cake. Prior to this mindset improvement, my default setting was all or nothing. No cakes, no ice-cream, no treats, nothing except lean grilled fish and chicken and broccoli and water (yay!). When I inevitably failed and inhaled an entire cheesecake, rather than pick myself up and keep going, I would "excuse myself" for the day and eat everything else in sight. No wonder I never made any real long term progress. I was always making up for those mishaps. 

Now, I eat treats sometimes daily and always weekly. A few pieces of chocolate. An orange creamsicle (like today). A date cookie. Ordering Thai food/Indian food/Mediterranean Street food. The few 100-300 calories of 'non-diet" food keep me sane. They prevent me from craving things all week long and then having an existential crisis at Dominos (virtually though, it's a pandemic, motherfucker). My new bottom line has to do with, in order of priority, my total calories, my protein macro, whether the food is as nutritious as possible and my other macros. So that even on a "cheat day" when I order one of those delectable cuisines I mentioned, I still try to meet my calorie target for the day.

This mindset has worked wonders in my remaining consistent. I almost never binge. I almost never lose control. And I feel great about it. It's made "dieting" way less stressful. More manageable.

Basically, I am learning moderation. A word I thought I always knew, but didn't.

But still though, when can I see those abs? Patience...that's another word I need to learn.

What's for food today? MegaFit meals, that's what. They are delicious, portion controlled and keep me within my calories/macros. 1595 calories, 175 g protein, 145 g carbs, 35 g fat.

What's for workout today? Day 4 of 4 of my full body workout plan from Bret Contreras, the glute guy:

4x8 glute thrusts

3x20 band quadruped hip extension

3x8 barbell bench press

3xAMRAP inverted row

3x15 ankle weight glute kickback

3x8 ankle weight gip abduction

What're my measurements? As of 1/23/21 (next update is 2/6/21). I'm 5"7 and ___ lbs.

Shoulders: 44 inches

Chest: 34.5 inches

Waist: 30 inches

Abdomen/FUPA 37.5 inches

Hips/butt: 49.5 inches

Right thigh: 28.5 inches

Left thigh: 28.5 inches

Onward and upward!

Valley

Today is a hard day. I know that I am making progress - the tape measure tells me that. Plus, my upper body (which is always the first to respond) is looking slimmer.

And yet.

I feel fat. I feel like I will always be fat. I took progress pictures today and feel angry and defeated at how much back fat I have. Especially compared to how incredibly lean I had become at the worst of my binging and purging.

I start a 53 day summer challenge tomorrow. There's a chance at prizes and fame and glory, haha. The point of this is to keep going beyond the challenge though.

To see this as my new normal.

It's not a diet, it's a lifestyle.

Food today:
1 cup egg whites and 1 cup cut up mango
11 oz vanilla creme muscle milk lite and 1 oz lightly salted, roasted almonds
4 oz grilled potatoes, 4 oz chicken breast and 1 cup of mixed vegetables
4 oz salmon and 1 cup of mixed vegetables
4 oz cod and 1 cup of mixed vegetables
Lots of sugar free gum
Working on my never ending gallon of water

Workout today
Weights (chest/shoulders/triceps):
4x15 dumbbell flys superset 4x12 tricep push downs
4x15/12/10/8 incline press
4x15/12/10/8 flat press
4x10 dumbbell shoulder press superset 4x10 lateral raises
4x12 reverse shoulder flys superset 4x12 upright rows
4x8 overhead double tricep extensions

Cardio (treadmill)
1 min and 30 seconds at 1% incline and 5 mph
30 seconds to transition off the treadmill
1 min and 30 seconds of either moving high knees or squat shuffles
30 seconds to transition back on the treadmill
Repeat for 30 minutes

Good news

In an effort to avoid seeing this change as a temporary fix, I have decided to stop weighing myself weekly and instead focus on inches. I will now weigh myself every other week and measure inches weekly instead.

I am due to measure Friday, but I decided to take a sneak peak and measured my hips. Will you believe? I have lost an inch already. Awesome.

I cannot wait until I have my  summer forever body.