Valley

Today is a hard day. I know that I am making progress - the tape measure tells me that. Plus, my upper body (which is always the first to respond) is looking slimmer.

And yet.

I feel fat. I feel like I will always be fat. I took progress pictures today and feel angry and defeated at how much back fat I have. Especially compared to how incredibly lean I had become at the worst of my binging and purging.

I start a 53 day summer challenge tomorrow. There's a chance at prizes and fame and glory, haha. The point of this is to keep going beyond the challenge though.

To see this as my new normal.

It's not a diet, it's a lifestyle.

Food today:
1 cup egg whites and 1 cup cut up mango
11 oz vanilla creme muscle milk lite and 1 oz lightly salted, roasted almonds
4 oz grilled potatoes, 4 oz chicken breast and 1 cup of mixed vegetables
4 oz salmon and 1 cup of mixed vegetables
4 oz cod and 1 cup of mixed vegetables
Lots of sugar free gum
Working on my never ending gallon of water

Workout today
Weights (chest/shoulders/triceps):
4x15 dumbbell flys superset 4x12 tricep push downs
4x15/12/10/8 incline press
4x15/12/10/8 flat press
4x10 dumbbell shoulder press superset 4x10 lateral raises
4x12 reverse shoulder flys superset 4x12 upright rows
4x8 overhead double tricep extensions

Cardio (treadmill)
1 min and 30 seconds at 1% incline and 5 mph
30 seconds to transition off the treadmill
1 min and 30 seconds of either moving high knees or squat shuffles
30 seconds to transition back on the treadmill
Repeat for 30 minutes